Cullens of the Caribbean
by XRubyEyedBeautyX
Summary: When a random dude turns at Bella's door and tell's her some things she thought only happened in fanfiction crossovers and crazy stuff follows pre-BD twilight / P.O.T.C. with a hint of Dr who m for alcohol and heavy make out. im back!
1. Chapter 1

Cullen's of the Caribbean

A.N.I have recently been reading Pirates or the Caribbean /twilight crossovers and they rock but there aren't enough so I decided to make my own but if I get the doctor who facts wrong please don't tell me in reviews as I already know... So read, review and review.

**Chapter 1:** **You lied to me**

B.P.O.V.

"Knock Knock Knock" someone shouted from the front door

"Mom, I'll get it."

"Okay love I'll be right down"

I opened the door and a man in a tweed suit and bow tie barged in followed by a women with ginger hair, wearing a vest top, shorts and flip flops just like she was dressed for phoenix not forks.

"Hello my name is the doctor and this is my fiancée Amy; I need to speak to your mother." Said the bow tie man

"There is a man who says his name is the doctor, and his wife Amy and he want to talk to you." I yelled to my mom, upstairs.

"I'm coming Bella honey, I'll be right down"

**RENEE.P.O.V. **

This is the day I never wanted to come, the day the time traveller came to take my Bella back." Well here goes nothing" I whispered to myself.

"Bella, these people have come to tell you something."

"Ah, yes, you must be Bella; we've met before met before. But first I must tell you that Renee and Charlie aren't your parents. Now would you like to take walk with me and Amy in the local park?"

"O-of course I'm just a bit shocked that's all. I'll show you the way to the park, if you want?"

"Of course, that would be brilliant." Said Amy in a soothing voice

**At the park**

"Well I think if we tell you the doctor's life story first, it might help what we are about to tell you a bit easier" Amy stated

"Yes, well, I was born in Gallaphry about, what, 20 thousand years ago" he said as I

Gasped"There was a war of the people of my planet, the time lord's, and now I'm the only one left. I have a very cool police box** (A.N. pic on profile)** that helps me travel in time and this is where you come in. In the 1600 I met a man, the governor of a little port in England, it was the middle of a French invasion so he was trying to get you to safety, he knew about my kind somehow, so he gave you to me to bring to the future, and on your 17th birthday to bring you back. But were late, we got into some trouble with the daleks, but anyway we have to bring you back to your own timeso you can marry your betrothed ." he said in a rush out of breath towards the end.

"so you want me to believe you're some alien time traveller and I was born some 400 years ago and I now need to go back to my real father and go get married to some random dude I've never met before to after my whole life getting used to my 'other' parents. This. Is. .so. Not. Happening. "

"You know doctor, we could prove it to her?" suggested Amy

"yeah, if you can prove I promise to come with you!"

This is some big joke, probably Emmet...Wait if it is true, which its so obviously not then , the will ever see them again? It hurt to even think about it.

"To the tardis then." I stared at him "that's what we call the police box" oooh

And with that I was led towards the thing that would ultimately decide my destiny ...

**A. was fun; I actually can't wait to write the next chapter! If you have any ideas post them as reviews ! r&r 'cos reviews are like mini jaspers and I **_**LOVE**_** jasper !**


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N.i know I haven't updated in a while but I have had a project thing and LOADS of homework. For all the people who have reviewed saying that the doctor and Amy aren't married, I know this perfectly well but this is not a cannon couple story, and no one complains about Emmet& Alice stories or Bella Carlisle stories, just think THIS IS FANFICTION and I can do whatever I want with the characters I've borrowed mwahahahaha!**

**I DONT OWN A-NY-TH-ING! Get it now onto the story.**

Cullen's of the Caribbean

Chapter 2: Goodbye cruel world!

**Bella p.o.v.**

As I stepped out of the freaky police box and looked around, I saw that we were definitely not in forks 2010, more along the lines of England in the 1600's.

"This" the doctor stated "is the exact day you were born, to governor Swan and his wife. You have a sister you know, her name is Elisabeth Swan. The Governor gave you to me on the night of a pirate invasion, but they couldn't give me Elisabeth, as she was born very ill and could not be taken anywhere "

Just then a cannon blasted through and hit the pub we were standing next to just before

"I think it's time to go!" suggested the doctor

"Brilliant idea love" replied Amy

"Yeah probably" I murmured, still shocked at this being real.

On the way back( which was the long way as we stopped for hot dogs) the doctor told me about the daleks, the cyber men and all the other types of aliens he'd met.

**10 Minutes later and the tardis and its passengers have landed outside the Cullen's house so Bella can explain why there never going to see her again...**

**B.p.o.v.**

"Edward, could you come down please I've got to tell you something" I called to the upper floor of the house

"Be right down love" he replied.

"Are you sure you want to tell him this, he might retaliate badly or think your mad" Amy asked

"I'm sure" I said nervously

"So what is it you wanted to tell us?" asked Esme

"Well, ill start of my explanation with who these people are wondering who these people are this is Amy pond and this is the Doctor, there marryed.

"Cool ,so does he do drugs or something" laughed Emmet then he winced as Rosalie wacked him round the back of the head

"Definitely something"I whispered

"Ok let's try this a different way because I'm guessing that by now at least Emmet thinks I'm a druggy. What if I said that the doctor wasn't human and that he was older than Carlisle and I am about as old as Carlise?" I enquired **(a.n.i made up Carlisles date of change t fit my story.) **

"OMG bells are you like an alien or something." Emmet screeched

"No, but I kind of am. I think that right now you are oblivious to the fact that I have 2 hearts and that none of your vampire powers work on me. But I'm not EXACTLY an alien ,I'm a time lord, and I travel in time in my little blue box. This is Amy she is incredibly mortal and very boring, not like the daleks or the cyber men or the sontarans, hey Bella?"

"No offence but you're really not. But then again nothing beats the sontarans."

"Sontar HA" me, Amy and the Doctor giggled.

"Ledgendary, man" The Doctor said

Then Edward butted in " So let me get this straight, hes an alien, she some creepy alien wife and your from the past, like the 1800's or some thing"

"the 1600's" I corrected

"Oh my, England, 23rd of August 1603, Governor Swan, He had two children Isabella Swan and Elisabeth swan, Elisabeth was ill I treated her in the hospital" Carlisle said shocked

"And that's why she's not here. She was to ill to save when the pirates came."

" Haha love nice prank, almost fell for it."Edward said

"ist true"I said

"whatever" Edward sneered before running upstairs "never take a prank to far Bella, I think it would be better to take a break for a while, uhhh Huuuuuu "he said in a patronising tone.

"Doctor, get me out of here" I sobbed

"Lets get you out of here honey" Amy said

And as we stepped into the tardis I took what I thought at the time to be the the last time I would see my vampire family

"by the way Edward" I yelled " I'm engaged to a man back in the 1600's, so honey it would never have worked out!"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Back to the past

**B.P.O.V.**

"So let me get this straight, we are, right now, some time in the 1600's, 18 years after I was born, and I just waltz out there and pretend to be some 1600's person and forget about phones and TV, and microwave pop-corn"

-"Oh I like microwave pop-corn" the doctor butted in.

"So yeah am I getting the picture?" I asked.

"Oh ,well ,yeah...we'll stay with you the first couple of days while you settle in." Amy said

"Well ,lets go meet some past people" I thought.

We walked out of the tardis and down a dirty alleyway and out into a crowded street, I pointed towards a clothes shop they nodded as we were all wearing futuristic clothes and people were giving us funny looks, especially Amy's tiny shorts, vest top, and flip flops. I chose a deep blue and gold corset dress and gold shoes, Amy chose a green and violet puffy skirted dress, and the doctor chose an outfit close to what every other male in the shop was wearing.

They then announced that it was time to go and meet my sister and her friends, I started conjuring up visions of counts ,duchesses, and other high up people, speaking with posh accents and looking down on the faint American accent I had picked up during my life in the future. But as I stopped daydreaming I saw that we were heading towards, not a posh social spot, or even a large, expensive ship, but a rundown pier were many tatty looking ships were docked. Suddenly, a girl with wild hair, sporting pirate looking clothes and carrying a dangerous looking pistol, swung down from the nearest ship and asked " who are you then."

I jumped back in fear and told her my name was Isabella. She continued "And would you be Isabelle Swann, cos if you are I must inform you that you are my sister and that right know you should be a French prisoner, why are you not a French prisoner "

"yeah well I have returned, on a ship."

"well I don't think we will be needed here anymore, so we will be going." Said the doctor, as him and Amy walked in to the alleyway, containing the tardis, I waved and turned my attention back to my sister.

"I will take you up and introduce you to the crew, if you want me to?"

"It would be lovely", I replied

We climbed up a green slimy looking rope ladder then hoisted ourselves over the ships edge. Elizabeth pointed to different people, naming them to me, one by one, Pintell, Ragetti, Mr Gibbs, Ect. Ect. Then she pointed out a very non pirate looking pirate, "This is my husband, Will"

"Elizabeth, I'm shocked, you married, couldn't you have at least have waited for me to return" I said in a fake shocked voice

"Ahhh I'm sorry sis, there is one more person you need to meet though, the captain...OI JACK GET YOUR MISARABLE BUT DOWN HERE, THERES SOME ONE FOR YOU TO MEET."

"You can't speak to a captain like that can you" I whispered, shocked

"You yelled" a voice said. Then a totally HOT but pissed looking man, a couple of years older than me, walked down the stairs, and into me "what would a pretty thing like you doing on a ship full of scoundrels and pirates, Ahhh I'm guessing you Isabella Swann, signature blush, I can tell. So you coming with us to Tortuga, I believe a new shipmate is a cause for celebration?"

"Mmmkay" I said

It turns out Tortuga is a pirate island that mostly consists of bars and pubs, that all sold very cheap, but very generous mugs and bottles of Rum, and after a few days journeying we arrived at Tortuga. We found a small, empty looking tavern found a table, then started guzzling down the whiskey, "Rum is very nice you know" slurred jack who I found was a MASSIVE fan of Rum

After my 7th bottle of Rum, I randomly started laughing and when Elizabeth giggled and asked why I said in a very drunk but understandable voice "I'm Izzy and your Lizzy" then I burst out in a random fit of giggles again. So did Lizzy.

"I think we should get back to the ship, before Isabella and Elizabeth die of laughter.

Oh god how I wish Eddie and his precious Cullens could see me now

**CALYPSO.P.O.V.**

Be careful what you wish for child.

**Edward.p.o.v.**

Then out of no ware, there was a crack ,us, the seven figures of the Cullens, appeared out of thin air, and landed in the Tortuga main town square "I bet even you didn't see that coming Alice" laughed Emmet

SMACK and Rosalie slapped him round the head.

Suddenly Bella's voice was heard from behind some houses, towards the sea slurring "Yo ho ho it's a pirates life for me- oh put me down jack you naughty boy"

"Omg that's Bella, why is she singing like a pirate, and why is she drunk and who is Jack" asked Alice

"Let's follow them", I said

We followed the voice and it led us to the ship, then we herd another very drunk voice giggling "But then she said *hiccup* I'm izzy *hiccup* and your Lizzy *giggle*"

"I know hunny I was there" said a tiered sounding male voice "let's get you up to bed now and don't try to steal more rum, I know you Elizabeth Swann!"

We snuck onto the ship and walked to wards a semi-opened door and we tip toed in. We saw by the faint light of the candle that my Precious Bella was making out, very heavily, with a dirty looking man on the floor. I coughed, and they looked up "Ohhh do you have any rumm, cos rummmm iss lovelllyyy "hiccupped my precious bella "OOOHHH LIZZY THERE ARE STRANGELY DRESSED MEN IN MY CABIN, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHOM THEY ARE?" Bella asked in a British accent

"OOOH MABEY THERE PIRATES" squealed the girl I supposed was Lizzy

"DUH LIZZY, WERE PIRATES" Bella replied.

"of that we are, I'm captain jack sparrow,savvy" the drunk said before passing out

"YOUR WHAT" I yelled before fainting on the floor

"lol eddikins is the first vampire to ever pass out" I heard before letting the blackness suck me in. All I know is I better get a good explanation when I wake up!


	4. Chapter 4

B.P.O.V

"Uuuuhhhhh, someone pass me the gin" I groaned, my head filled with swarms of bees all reminding me its NOT a good idea to drink on a ship.

"No Bella love, gin is a foul, degrading substance" Edward said like I was a baby.

"Jack, pass me a pistol" I said, and he passed me a loaded gun which I preceded to point at Edweirds lower regions. "I. AM. NOT. A. BLOODY. BABY" I screamed as I shot him, smack bang in the nuts. It must of hurt because he fell over and started crying, holding his bits.

"Urm scary pirate Bella, is that ship supposed to be there...?" Rosalie asked, clearly terrified that I had just caused major pain to a vampire without ever trying.

"Shiiiitttt" Jack whispered "you know what ship that is, that's the dauntless, she is the finest in the English armada's fleet, and this isn't a friendly visit by my guess" he said.

"Then I'm definitely going to need that rum" I hiccupped. Then there was a massive smash as a cannon took out a chunk of the ship. It all happened very quickly. I grabbed the bottle of rum and gulped it down while Emmet started chanting chug, chug, chug accompanied by both Rosalie and Edward smacking him round the head, both with an almighty crash.

Then another canon fired and we all sprung into position (well staggered in mine and Jacks case) to defend the ship. A few hours later we were all tired and the battle had just finished I grabbed the nearest bottle of rum and chugged it down. "Let's go have celebratory sex Jackie Baby" I giggled

"Urrrmmm...OK!" He giggled back

"Lizzie, does u*hiccup* and Willie want to join *hiccup*us we can makes it a gang bang lol" I hiccupped

"Uurg, that's incest izzy dizzy" Lizzy squealed

"Urm maybe another time" will said "I want to have my wicked way with my wifey 4 lifey" he said huskily dragging Lizzy off towards their bedroom.

So I and jack started making out and dry humping against a mast to the sound of Edwierd crying and the Cullens making disapproving noises in the background.

"The Cullens are vampires" I said when we had stopped making out.

"Let's throw garlic at them lol" he said so I ran off to some garlic and we spent the rest of the night throwing random objects at them ( we ran out of garlic after a while) while they tutted at our immaturity and sheer drunkenness.

**A.N. I need ideas, please help me my honey bunnies or I won't be able to update so soon.**


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